Hi Alona! I just read your "The Making of Galatea" story! I really loved how you started this story off. I was trying to figure out what it was that she was becoming as well, so you engaged your readers really well. I also loved how you decided to tell it from the statues point of view. That made this story so much more interesting to me. You're a very talented writer. Great job!
Hey Alona! I just read "The Making of Galatea" and wow, girl!!! You are such a talented writer! My favorite part of this story is how descriptive it was in terms of appealing to the five senses and making us feel like we are experiencing the scene outselves. ) love the layout of your story pages where the author's note is a separate section from the rest of the story and you also have an easy button that goes to the comment wall and it has inspired me to do the same! Everything on your website looks absolutely perfect and is super easy to navigate. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hi Alona! i just read your "The Making of Galatea" story, just like the two above me. I am so impressed by the way that you write. I think you have a real talent for portraying a story in such a cool way. I liked the way that not even the reader had an idea what she was becoming either, but we got to experience it through reading the details of her story. I also like the way that your entire storybook is laid out. You are obviously very talented at writing and just creating content.
Hi Alona! I read your first story, “The Making of Galatea” and enjoyed it very much. I think writing the story from the point of view a statue that really is not alive, at least not until the end, was a great idea. It seems like quite a unique perspective to take, and I think there would be a challenge in trying to figure out how a statue would be thinking or feeling in the situations from the story. Your writing is fantastic, and I think you did amazing in writing from this particular perspective. Your writing flows very well and your descriptions of what the statue was thinking and feeling were my favorite parts of the story. As for the design of your site and your story’s page, I think the style is fitting. It is not over elaborate and everything is easy to find and read. I particularly like the color change at the bottom of your story that makes the transition into the author’s note very clear. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
I really liked the spin you took on the story of Pygmalion and his "ivory woman". Taking the story from the statue's viewpoint is something I considered as well, as I also retold this story on my portfolio project. I chose to retell the story from Venus's perspective watching over Pygmalion and his woman of ivory. The way you portrayed the woman being carved, and how each step went along the way was quite beautiful. The descriptive language you used is also something to be very proud of, and I would continue using these methods as you evolve your portfolio. Also, the way you described her actual "coming to life" moments is a lot like what I imagine when I think of an inanimate object coming to life. Suddenly able to breathe, to feel, to touch. It's a really crazy thing to think about when we've had these experiences all our lives, but I think you nailed it. Awesome story, thanks!
Hello Alona! I think I had the pleasure of reading "Til Death Do Us Part" earlier this semester. I may be wrong, but I think the section "The Rebirth of Isis" is an addition to the original story you had written. As it was before, your attention to detail and descriptive writing is phenomenal. I really do feel like I'm reading a published book when I dive into the world you've created. I noticed Isis said Anubis was the son of her husband, Osiris, and I'm curious if this means that Anubis is not hers or that she doesn't view him as hers? I don't know much about Egyptian mythology but I think it might be useful to have some information regarding the relationships of the gods in the author's note. Another suggestion I might add regard making some clarifications in the final paragraph of the story so far. I feel like the sentence starting with "Just because my husband is lost..." was a little difficult for me to follow, especially where it says, "...does not mean so must be the woman he loved." After reading it a few times I could understand exactly what you meant but going through the first time it felt like it lacked the flow the rest of your story had. Additionally, I feel like the last sentence of your story may greatly benefit from the addition of the word "in" between "...on every..". I think that would greatly clarify the sentence. Overall, fantastic writing as usual. I'm looking forward to reading more!
Thanks, yeah when I was writing it I knew it read weird but it was grammatically correct so I just left it. But I think I've found ways to make the phrases you pointed out read more smoothly. As for Anubis, the reading didn't say who his mother was, only that he was Osiris' son. I assumed that Isis was not his mother, but I did some independent research and added Anubis' genealogy to the Author's Note. Thanks for the constructive criticism!
Hi again, Alona! I just finished reading another one of your stories. This time I read "Till Death Do Us Part-The Death of Osiris." I mentioned this in my last comment, but you really do have a knack for writing. Your writing is very descriptive and engages its readers very well. I loved how you worded this particular phrase, "Accepting his death was like trying to breathe in a vacuum, like reaching out for something you know is no longer there but which you desperately need anyway." That was such a creative way of saying that. I loved this story and I am looking forward to reading more of your future ones! Great job.
Hi Alona! First, your website design is very neat and easy to navigate. Secondly, I am blown away by how good these stories are! “The Making of Galatea” was beautiful! The way you described her creation was so good! You used so many senses, but not only that you described how she felt at receiving these senses for the first time which is so unique! Both of the “Til Death Do Us Part” stories are written so well. I loved how you described the way that Isis felt at seeing her beloved husband killed! I thought you did such a good job at showing how her reality was altered and how it scarred her. I also thought it was clever to write about their life together so you could really get a sense of how much Isis loved her husband. Reading these stories felt like reading the beginning of a book and I found myself wanting more!
My first comment from a few weeks ago got deleted, so I am commenting again for this weeks feedback assignment!
Hi, Alona! First off, I have to say that I love the layout you have chosen for your website and for your blog! I have yet to see another student with this same layout, so it makes for a nice change to see something different! I also really loved reading your stories and seeing what you have posted on your website so far this semester. I think that you have chosen a great theme and base storyline for your project, and it is something that I have not seen another student do yet. I really like and appreciate your attention to detail, as I think it adds something to your stories and to your writing that makes it special. I agree with Jacob when he says that he feels like he is reading a published book when he reads your stories. I definitely agree that your writing style is very immersive while also feeling very professional, and that is a hard thing to accomplish as a college student doing a project for a class. As for your name, I think it is very beautiful and suits you well from what I know of you! Overall, I really enjoyed reading what you have done so far and I look forward to reading more from you as this class goes on! I hope you have a great semester!
Hi Alona! I like the homepage of your portfolio! easy to read and navigate. I like how you provided the links here on the home page to the un-textbook originals. the Making of Galatea: beautiful from this point of view. yes in your author's note you said that this "was still creepy" but it is way less creepy than with an older gentleman. think of it like a romantic comedy little less creepy that way. I would like to see more images used throughout the stories since our class is online we are able to add them. To Death Do Us Part: ohhh I like the individual title part for this section and the two stories in one. so Isis is Osiris wife. such a beautiful story. I like how she is finding herself once again in the washerwoman's hut. I also agree that your writing style is very immersive. I still would like to see more pictures throughout your stories to help bring them that much more to life. I have had luck finding several wonderful images on www.unsplash.com and they are free!
Hi Alona! I really love your portfolio layout! The table of contents in the beginning is very easy to read and navigate. I also really like that you added the original source of the story and what type of mythology it was. Including the links to the originals is also a really good idea! This makes it easier for those who haven't already read the original story to find it and read it on their own. I think that your stories are very easy to get sucked into and that makes it much more enjoyable to read! Great job and I can't wait to see what else you do this semester!
Hi Alona! Your portfolio layout is really nice. It took me a minute to figure out how to navigate but once I did I really liked what was going on.
As for your stories, The Making of Galatea was a really fun one to read. I had just read that so seeing that was so cool! I really liked your perspective of it. It was captivating and incredibly fun to read. I loved it! I think your writing is fun and it really catches the eye.
I really liked that you did two of those stories and there was a drop down menu. it was really fun for me to read and figure out - I was so happy there was two parts to read. These stories were truly beautiful and I can't wait to see what you keep writing!
First of all, wow. Your writing is so engaging and your descriptions put the readers right in the stories with the characters. I loved how you started "The Making of Galatea." So often, that story is told from the perspective of the sculptor, and he is mocked for falling in love with an inanimate object. Telling it from her perspective as they simultaneously fall in love makes it a lot more relatable and beautiful.
I also loved how you told the story of Osiris and Isis. Your descriptions of their love makes the two so much more than characters in a story. I also read the Egyptian unit and the duo seemed a bit two-dimensional, but you made their love accessible and filled it with joy, then made the readers grieve with Isis when Osiris was gone. Beautifully written. I can't wait to check back and read more.
This is the first time that I've read one of your stories so I wasn't sure what to expect from this. I really like your writing style! How you like to employ emphasis on certain words or phrases with the it italics. It's a utilization I didn't think to try. I also love that you produced a lot of imagery and what was being seen so that the feeling always made sense. I felt like I was the characters or living through them so to speak. My only critique, if you can even call it that, would be in the paragraph spacing. You may be able to combine more of them into one paragraph over multiple mini paragraphs! Or maybe adding in images to each piece you've separated to make the story a bit more visually appealing? It was hard to find something for you to work on because I liked it so much! Good work c:
I think your portrayal of the wolf story was actually awesome. Telling things from the perspective of the wolf pack leader gives readers a whole new perspective on the story in general, quite literally in fact. On top of that, you used some really beautiful descriptive language in your writing. I may just be partial because I enjoy stories relating to shapeshifters and Native American folklore, but it was really a great tale to read. I usually try to find something I consider could be improved on every time I give someone feedback on their stories, but with yours I really couldn't find anything that I would want to fix if it were me who had written it, so kudos to you! Even your images seemed to be well placed, and they fit in really well with your story both in a way to depict the images set in the story, and to show your reader the feelings involved. Super good job!
Hello again Alona. I think your wolf story was really interesting to read. I think we have similar writing methods, as I typically like to write from different perspectives in the story. The way that you emphasize certain words really adds to the roundness of the story. It makes your readers lean in to really understand what's happening. Great job on your story, I really loved getting to read it.
Hey Alona! I just want to start off by saying that I totally loved your story! The creativity and imagination that was integrated with your writing was superb! I can see you put a lot of hard work and time into your story! Keep it up! I liked your use of dialogue. It really brought the characters to life. I was able to relate even more with the characters and get into their minds. I also would like to comment on your web site page! I have to say it looks really great! Comparing mine to yours, I want to put more work into mine! I was able to easily navigate through the web page, which was very nice. However, I look forward to reading more of your stories! Good luck with the rest of your semester! It is coming close to an end! Also, have a great weekend!
Hi Alona, I really enjoyed reading your story The Death of Osiris! It is very well written, easy to follow, and easily captures the reader’s attention. Your story also flowed well. I think your use of description and imagery makes this story even greater. For example, “The sharp smell of spilled blood filled my nostrils…” Although unfortunate, the ending of this story is powerful. I also really like how this story is told from the perspective of Osiris’s wife. I think this allows for much emotion and detail to be incorporated, which you did. I also really like the way you have set up your storybook website. I especially like how you have a direct link to your comment wall on each story’s page. I am not sure if I just can’t find it or what, but I was unable to find your author’s note. Overall, this is one of the best stories I have read in this class!
The Author's Note is on the "Till Death Do Us" part upper tab. If you click it instead of going through the dropdown menu, you'll find the author's note as well as buttons for the stories. I think I'll add a button back to the author's note on the story pages so people don't get confused. I thought that might be a problem.
Hey Alona, first, your blog design is beautiful! I love the idea of linking to the originals on the first page of your blog and giving a table of contents. The only thing that I would recommend for this first page would be to make links in your table of contents to the story pages they refer to. That is a really easy was for your readers to navigate around your site. Here is some feedback on your stories. For “The Making of Galatea” I have read the original of this story, so I was interested to read your version. I would have thought a whole story playing out inside some one’s head wouldn’t be all that interesting, but you did a great job of making it a very engaging story. I really connected with the statue and felt her yearning for being, sight, hearing and life. My only advise would be that I think it would be a good idea to add a transition word or phrase that lets the reader know how much time has passed from the time they prayed to when she starts to become alive in the next paragraph. Was it only a moment or a week? I also read the other three stories on your blog and they are all amazing. I didn’t find anything that needed corrected, and I enjoyed reading them all. In “Till Death Do Us Part” I think you did a great job of describing Isis’s pain and her thought process by which she was able to over come it. As for “Sister of the Wolves,” I think my favorite moment was when they wolves come running at the end to find Little Sister sitting on the top of the pile of offerings. I could imagine what a joyous site it must have been for her and the wolves and how utterly terrifying it would have been for everyone else. From your author’s note I thought it was great how many aspects of Native American story telling and culture you tried to maintain throughout the story. I think it showed a lot of respect for their culture which is important when dealing with stories and material that is not our own. I think you have done a great job with your portfolio, and I am glad that I got a chance to read it. -Cat
Hi Alona! First off i want to start by saying i really enjoyed the layout of your site. it was easy to navigate and visually appealing as well. You have a true talent for writing and it really shows in your stories. the way you made your characters come to life with imagery and dialogue is great. i felt as if i could picture every detail. i was hooked from the beginning of your first story, the way you began the story had me wanting to read more. i like the way that the beginning of the story keeps you questioning and wanting to continue on to find the answers. the more i kept reading the story the more it all came together perfectly, awesome job!
Hi Alona, To start off, I really like your choice in stories to tell. Your first story "The Making of Galatea" was really interesting to read about. At first reading it I couldn't tell what all was happening, and thoughts of an alien meets Earth scenario or God making Eve passes through my mind. I enjoyed your twist from the original and having such description of her senses. For your second and third stories, "Till Death Do Us Part" and "Sister of the Wolves", they were a little harder to get into. I felt as though I was reading really exciting book summaries instead of the actual books. The way you had your third story start in immediate action was a good choice and I liked how you went back and described why the woman was running. Lastly, I really did like your use of words and description with each story! Also your website is awesome!
Hey Alona! I just want to start off by saying that I totally loved your story! The creativity and imagination that was integrated with your writing was superb! I can see you put a lot of hard work and time into your story! Keep it up! I liked your use of dialogue. It really brought the characters to life. I was able to relate even more with the characters and get into their minds. I also would like to comment on your web site page! I have to say it looks really great! Comparing mine to yours, I want to put more work into mine! I was able to easily navigate through the web page, which was very nice. However, I look forward to reading more of your stories! Good luck with the rest of your semester! It is coming close to an end! Also, have a great Thanksgiving break!
Hi Alona! All of your stories were absolutely amazing! I loved that you left links to your author's notes rather than tagging them to end of your stories. The overall layout of your website was really well done and I appreciate that there was a visual uniformity on all of the pages. The story I focused on the most was The Making of Galatea since I had read the source material for that story. The idea that Galatea's consciousness began before she was even carved was a really unique concept and it turned out really well. Your writing style is absolutely brilliant. I could feel the suffocation and eventual freeing that Galatea felt as I was reading the story. I also knew the basic tale of Robin Hood as well. I didn't realize that the story was originally written as a poem! The way you rewrote the story gave it a more modern feel, and the cocky suaveness from Robin Hood really came through in your writing. Great Job!
Hi Alona! I just read your Sister of the Wolves. It started out so strong! I love how you started off your story with a simple, single sentence. You described the frantic state of the girl so well and it was very easy for me as a reader to picture this scene in my head. I love how the wolves were also able to take human form. That was something that surprised me and made the story more interesting. The wolf was so nice to the woman and his compassion towards her was probably so refreshing to her since she was fleeing her abusive husband. The ending was good as well. For a moment, I thought she was gone forever but then it was a nice twist to see that she had come back. Great job!
The Making of Galatea as really good! I loved how you described the feeling of being created from her perspective. It was really cool to have you describe her becoming conscious and experiencing the making of her various senses. This philosophical beginning transitioned into a heart-warming romance towards the end. You blended those two halves of the story really well! Awesome job!
Let me start this comment by asking, How are you!? How is being back in Oklahoma after your France excursion? I hope you are doing well and by reading your blog, I can tell that you are! Your stories are so unique and exciting, but honestly the layout of your blog is what captured my attention. Each author's note has a classical picture next to it that mashes your stories with the ones of old in an unequivocal fashion. I don't believe there is a better complement in the other blogs I have seen. The head photo is also matching of the theme of the stories and the titles of them are as engaging as the other features! You did a great job of bringing the atmosphere of the blog together and for that I must commend you. Anyway, reading through your stories and seeing how you linked the originals to your blog was very cool for me. I think you have a knack for this type of organizational work!
Hi Alona! I just read your "The Making of Galatea" story! I really loved how you started this story off. I was trying to figure out what it was that she was becoming as well, so you engaged your readers really well. I also loved how you decided to tell it from the statues point of view. That made this story so much more interesting to me. You're a very talented writer. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Alona! I just read "The Making of Galatea" and wow, girl!!! You are such a talented writer! My favorite part of this story is how descriptive it was in terms of appealing to the five senses and making us feel like we are experiencing the scene outselves. ) love the layout of your story pages where the author's note is a separate section from the rest of the story and you also have an easy button that goes to the comment wall and it has inspired me to do the same! Everything on your website looks absolutely perfect and is super easy to navigate. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Alona! i just read your "The Making of Galatea" story, just like the two above me. I am so impressed by the way that you write. I think you have a real talent for portraying a story in such a cool way. I liked the way that not even the reader had an idea what she was becoming either, but we got to experience it through reading the details of her story. I also like the way that your entire storybook is laid out. You are obviously very talented at writing and just creating content.
ReplyDeleteHi Alona! I read your first story, “The Making of Galatea” and enjoyed it very much. I think writing the story from the point of view a statue that really is not alive, at least not until the end, was a great idea. It seems like quite a unique perspective to take, and I think there would be a challenge in trying to figure out how a statue would be thinking or feeling in the situations from the story. Your writing is fantastic, and I think you did amazing in writing from this particular perspective. Your writing flows very well and your descriptions of what the statue was thinking and feeling were my favorite parts of the story. As for the design of your site and your story’s page, I think the style is fitting. It is not over elaborate and everything is easy to find and read. I particularly like the color change at the bottom of your story that makes the transition into the author’s note very clear. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHey Alona,
ReplyDeleteI really liked the spin you took on the story of Pygmalion and his "ivory woman". Taking the story from the statue's viewpoint is something I considered as well, as I also retold this story on my portfolio project. I chose to retell the story from Venus's perspective watching over Pygmalion and his woman of ivory. The way you portrayed the woman being carved, and how each step went along the way was quite beautiful. The descriptive language you used is also something to be very proud of, and I would continue using these methods as you evolve your portfolio. Also, the way you described her actual "coming to life" moments is a lot like what I imagine when I think of an inanimate object coming to life. Suddenly able to breathe, to feel, to touch. It's a really crazy thing to think about when we've had these experiences all our lives, but I think you nailed it. Awesome story, thanks!
Hello Alona!
ReplyDeleteI think I had the pleasure of reading "Til Death Do Us Part" earlier this semester. I may be wrong, but I think the section "The Rebirth of Isis" is an addition to the original story you had written. As it was before, your attention to detail and descriptive writing is phenomenal. I really do feel like I'm reading a published book when I dive into the world you've created. I noticed Isis said Anubis was the son of her husband, Osiris, and I'm curious if this means that Anubis is not hers or that she doesn't view him as hers? I don't know much about Egyptian mythology but I think it might be useful to have some information regarding the relationships of the gods in the author's note. Another suggestion I might add regard making some clarifications in the final paragraph of the story so far. I feel like the sentence starting with "Just because my husband is lost..." was a little difficult for me to follow, especially where it says, "...does not mean so must be the woman he loved." After reading it a few times I could understand exactly what you meant but going through the first time it felt like it lacked the flow the rest of your story had. Additionally, I feel like the last sentence of your story may greatly benefit from the addition of the word "in" between "...on every..". I think that would greatly clarify the sentence. Overall, fantastic writing as usual. I'm looking forward to reading more!
Thanks, yeah when I was writing it I knew it read weird but it was grammatically correct so I just left it. But I think I've found ways to make the phrases you pointed out read more smoothly.
DeleteAs for Anubis, the reading didn't say who his mother was, only that he was Osiris' son. I assumed that Isis was not his mother, but I did some independent research and added Anubis' genealogy to the Author's Note. Thanks for the constructive criticism!
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ReplyDeleteHi again, Alona!
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading another one of your stories. This time I read "Till Death Do Us Part-The Death of Osiris." I mentioned this in my last comment, but you really do have a knack for writing. Your writing is very descriptive and engages its readers very well. I loved how you worded this particular phrase, "Accepting his death was like trying to breathe in a vacuum, like reaching out for something you know is no longer there but which you desperately need anyway." That was such a creative way of saying that.
I loved this story and I am looking forward to reading more of your future ones! Great job.
Hi Alona!
ReplyDeleteFirst, your website design is very neat and easy to navigate. Secondly, I am blown away by how good these stories are! “The Making of Galatea” was beautiful! The way you described her creation was so good! You used so many senses, but not only that you described how she felt at receiving these senses for the first time which is so unique!
Both of the “Til Death Do Us Part” stories are written so well. I loved how you described the way that Isis felt at seeing her beloved husband killed! I thought you did such a good job at showing how her reality was altered and how it scarred her. I also thought it was clever to write about their life together so you could really get a sense of how much Isis loved her husband. Reading these stories felt like reading the beginning of a book and I found myself wanting more!
My first comment from a few weeks ago got deleted, so I am commenting again for this weeks feedback assignment!
ReplyDeleteHi, Alona! First off, I have to say that I love the layout you have chosen for your website and for your blog! I have yet to see another student with this same layout, so it makes for a nice change to see something different! I also really loved reading your stories and seeing what you have posted on your website so far this semester. I think that you have chosen a great theme and base storyline for your project, and it is something that I have not seen another student do yet. I really like and appreciate your attention to detail, as I think it adds something to your stories and to your writing that makes it special. I agree with Jacob when he says that he feels like he is reading a published book when he reads your stories. I definitely agree that your writing style is very immersive while also feeling very professional, and that is a hard thing to accomplish as a college student doing a project for a class. As for your name, I think it is very beautiful and suits you well from what I know of you! Overall, I really enjoyed reading what you have done so far and I look forward to reading more from you as this class goes on! I hope you have a great semester!
Hi Alona!
ReplyDeleteI like the homepage of your portfolio! easy to read and navigate. I like how you provided the links here on the home page to the un-textbook originals. the Making of Galatea: beautiful from this point of view. yes in your author's note you said that this "was still creepy" but it is way less creepy than with an older gentleman. think of it like a romantic comedy little less creepy that way. I would like to see more images used throughout the stories since our class is online we are able to add them.
To Death Do Us Part: ohhh I like the individual title part for this section and the two stories in one. so Isis is Osiris wife. such a beautiful story. I like how she is finding herself once again in the washerwoman's hut. I also agree that your writing style is very immersive. I still would like to see more pictures throughout your stories to help bring them that much more to life. I have had luck finding several wonderful images on www.unsplash.com and they are free!
Hi Alona!
ReplyDeleteI really love your portfolio layout! The table of contents in the beginning is very easy to read and navigate. I also really like that you added the original source of the story and what type of mythology it was. Including the links to the originals is also a really good idea! This makes it easier for those who haven't already read the original story to find it and read it on their own. I think that your stories are very easy to get sucked into and that makes it much more enjoyable to read! Great job and I can't wait to see what else you do this semester!
Hi Alona! Your portfolio layout is really nice. It took me a minute to figure out how to navigate but once I did I really liked what was going on.
ReplyDeleteAs for your stories, The Making of Galatea was a really fun one to read. I had just read that so seeing that was so cool! I really liked your perspective of it. It was captivating and incredibly fun to read. I loved it! I think your writing is fun and it really catches the eye.
I really liked that you did two of those stories and there was a drop down menu. it was really fun for me to read and figure out - I was so happy there was two parts to read. These stories were truly beautiful and I can't wait to see what you keep writing!
Hey Alona!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, wow. Your writing is so engaging and your descriptions put the readers right in the stories with the characters. I loved how you started "The Making of Galatea." So often, that story is told from the perspective of the sculptor, and he is mocked for falling in love with an inanimate object. Telling it from her perspective as they simultaneously fall in love makes it a lot more relatable and beautiful.
I also loved how you told the story of Osiris and Isis. Your descriptions of their love makes the two so much more than characters in a story. I also read the Egyptian unit and the duo seemed a bit two-dimensional, but you made their love accessible and filled it with joy, then made the readers grieve with Isis when Osiris was gone. Beautifully written. I can't wait to check back and read more.
Hey Alona!
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time that I've read one of your stories so I wasn't sure what to expect from this. I really like your writing style! How you like to employ emphasis on certain words or phrases with the it italics. It's a utilization I didn't think to try. I also love that you produced a lot of imagery and what was being seen so that the feeling always made sense. I felt like I was the characters or living through them so to speak. My only critique, if you can even call it that, would be in the paragraph spacing. You may be able to combine more of them into one paragraph over multiple mini paragraphs! Or maybe adding in images to each piece you've separated to make the story a bit more visually appealing? It was hard to find something for you to work on because I liked it so much! Good work c:
Hey Alona,
ReplyDeleteI think your portrayal of the wolf story was actually awesome. Telling things from the perspective of the wolf pack leader gives readers a whole new perspective on the story in general, quite literally in fact. On top of that, you used some really beautiful descriptive language in your writing. I may just be partial because I enjoy stories relating to shapeshifters and Native American folklore, but it was really a great tale to read. I usually try to find something I consider could be improved on every time I give someone feedback on their stories, but with yours I really couldn't find anything that I would want to fix if it were me who had written it, so kudos to you! Even your images seemed to be well placed, and they fit in really well with your story both in a way to depict the images set in the story, and to show your reader the feelings involved. Super good job!
Hello again Alona. I think your wolf story was really interesting to read. I think we have similar writing methods, as I typically like to write from different perspectives in the story. The way that you emphasize certain words really adds to the roundness of the story. It makes your readers lean in to really understand what's happening. Great job on your story, I really loved getting to read it.
ReplyDeleteHey Alona! I just want to start off by saying that I totally loved your story! The creativity and imagination that was integrated with your writing was superb! I can see you put a lot of hard work and time into your story! Keep it up! I liked your use of dialogue. It really brought the characters to life. I was able to relate even more with the characters and get into their minds. I also would like to comment on your web site page! I have to say it looks really great! Comparing mine to yours, I want to put more work into mine! I was able to easily navigate through the web page, which was very nice. However, I look forward to reading more of your stories! Good luck with the rest of your semester! It is coming close to an end! Also, have a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteHi Alona, I really enjoyed reading your story The Death of Osiris! It is very well written, easy to follow, and easily captures the reader’s attention. Your story also flowed well. I think your use of description and imagery makes this story even greater. For example, “The sharp smell of spilled blood filled my nostrils…” Although unfortunate, the ending of this story is powerful. I also really like how this story is told from the perspective of Osiris’s wife. I think this allows for much emotion and detail to be incorporated, which you did. I also really like the way you have set up your storybook website. I especially like how you have a direct link to your comment wall on each story’s page. I am not sure if I just can’t find it or what, but I was unable to find your author’s note. Overall, this is one of the best stories I have read in this class!
ReplyDeleteThe Author's Note is on the "Till Death Do Us" part upper tab. If you click it instead of going through the dropdown menu, you'll find the author's note as well as buttons for the stories. I think I'll add a button back to the author's note on the story pages so people don't get confused. I thought that might be a problem.
DeleteHey Alona, first, your blog design is beautiful! I love the idea of linking to the originals on the first page of your blog and giving a table of contents. The only thing that I would recommend for this first page would be to make links in your table of contents to the story pages they refer to. That is a really easy was for your readers to navigate around your site. Here is some feedback on your stories.
ReplyDeleteFor “The Making of Galatea” I have read the original of this story, so I was interested to read your version. I would have thought a whole story playing out inside some one’s head wouldn’t be all that interesting, but you did a great job of making it a very engaging story. I really connected with the statue and felt her yearning for being, sight, hearing and life. My only advise would be that I think it would be a good idea to add a transition word or phrase that lets the reader know how much time has passed from the time they prayed to when she starts to become alive in the next paragraph. Was it only a moment or a week?
I also read the other three stories on your blog and they are all amazing. I didn’t find anything that needed corrected, and I enjoyed reading them all. In “Till Death Do Us Part” I think you did a great job of describing Isis’s pain and her thought process by which she was able to over come it. As for “Sister of the Wolves,” I think my favorite moment was when they wolves come running at the end to find Little Sister sitting on the top of the pile of offerings. I could imagine what a joyous site it must have been for her and the wolves and how utterly terrifying it would have been for everyone else. From your author’s note I thought it was great how many aspects of Native American story telling and culture you tried to maintain throughout the story. I think it showed a lot of respect for their culture which is important when dealing with stories and material that is not our own.
I think you have done a great job with your portfolio, and I am glad that I got a chance to read it.
-Cat
Hi Alona! First off i want to start by saying i really enjoyed the layout of your site. it was easy to navigate and visually appealing as well. You have a true talent for writing and it really shows in your stories. the way you made your characters come to life with imagery and dialogue is great. i felt as if i could picture every detail. i was hooked from the beginning of your first story, the way you began the story had me wanting to read more. i like the way that the beginning of the story keeps you questioning and wanting to continue on to find the answers. the more i kept reading the story the more it all came together perfectly, awesome job!
ReplyDeleteHi Alona,
ReplyDeleteTo start off, I really like your choice in stories to tell. Your first story "The Making of Galatea" was really interesting to read about. At first reading it I couldn't tell what all was happening, and thoughts of an alien meets Earth scenario or God making Eve passes through my mind. I enjoyed your twist from the original and having such description of her senses. For your second and third stories, "Till Death Do Us Part" and "Sister of the Wolves", they were a little harder to get into. I felt as though I was reading really exciting book summaries instead of the actual books. The way you had your third story start in immediate action was a good choice and I liked how you went back and described why the woman was running. Lastly, I really did like your use of words and description with each story! Also your website is awesome!
Hey Alona! I just want to start off by saying that I totally loved your story! The creativity and imagination that was integrated with your writing was superb! I can see you put a lot of hard work and time into your story! Keep it up! I liked your use of dialogue. It really brought the characters to life. I was able to relate even more with the characters and get into their minds. I also would like to comment on your web site page! I have to say it looks really great! Comparing mine to yours, I want to put more work into mine! I was able to easily navigate through the web page, which was very nice. However, I look forward to reading more of your stories! Good luck with the rest of your semester! It is coming close to an end! Also, have a great Thanksgiving break!
ReplyDeleteHi Alona! All of your stories were absolutely amazing! I loved that you left links to your author's notes rather than tagging them to end of your stories. The overall layout of your website was really well done and I appreciate that there was a visual uniformity on all of the pages. The story I focused on the most was The Making of Galatea since I had read the source material for that story. The idea that Galatea's consciousness began before she was even carved was a really unique concept and it turned out really well. Your writing style is absolutely brilliant. I could feel the suffocation and eventual freeing that Galatea felt as I was reading the story. I also knew the basic tale of Robin Hood as well. I didn't realize that the story was originally written as a poem! The way you rewrote the story gave it a more modern feel, and the cocky suaveness from Robin Hood really came through in your writing. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteHi Alona!
ReplyDeleteI just read your Sister of the Wolves. It started out so strong! I love how you started off your story with a simple, single sentence. You described the frantic state of the girl so well and it was very easy for me as a reader to picture this scene in my head. I love how the wolves were also able to take human form. That was something that surprised me and made the story more interesting. The wolf was so nice to the woman and his compassion towards her was probably so refreshing to her since she was fleeing her abusive husband. The ending was good as well. For a moment, I thought she was gone forever but then it was a nice twist to see that she had come back. Great job!
The Making of Galatea as really good! I loved how you described the feeling of being created from her perspective. It was really cool to have you describe her becoming conscious and experiencing the making of her various senses. This philosophical beginning transitioned into a heart-warming romance towards the end. You blended those two halves of the story really well! Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteHey Alona!
ReplyDeleteLet me start this comment by asking, How are you!? How is being back in Oklahoma after your France excursion? I hope you are doing well and by reading your blog, I can tell that you are! Your stories are so unique and exciting, but honestly the layout of your blog is what captured my attention. Each author's note has a classical picture next to it that mashes your stories with the ones of old in an unequivocal fashion. I don't believe there is a better complement in the other blogs I have seen. The head photo is also matching of the theme of the stories and the titles of them are as engaging as the other features! You did a great job of bringing the atmosphere of the blog together and for that I must commend you. Anyway, reading through your stories and seeing how you linked the originals to your blog was very cool for me. I think you have a knack for this type of organizational work!